A Night in Prayer

Last night I went to my friend Laura Lynn's with this nervous nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. My intentions were to pray with her. You can read more about why here. But because of the distraction of how I was feeling, along with other distractions from the night, I left without one prayer.


Today I woke up with the same feeling. I had a text from my friend Brandon saying he would be praying for me today. I responded with, "Thank you. I am really struggling with fear." When I sent that, I hadn't really thought much about what I was afraid of. Not really sure what even made me label it as that. He encouraged me with the following verses: Isaiah 41:10,13. Romans 8:15. I John 4:18 Psalm 56:3-4. When I got home from work, I opened up my Bible and read them out loud. Tears filled my eyes and I realized I was paralyzed by my fear. I am not taking care of myself. I am not being asked how I am doing. I am constantly doing. I am serving others, pouring into others, and running myself thin. 


I am again learning a lesson from my friend Laura Lynn. We both have messy lives, but it's through each other's messiness that we learn so much about ourselves and God. She has been ordered by her doctor to exhaust herself and part of that is by staying up until 1am. Her friend Devin texted her asking how the "self-induced exhaustion" was going. I commented on how it was nice of him to see how she was doing, thankful that our friends are lifting her up during this time. It made me think though, "I don't have many guy friends who ask me how I am doing." Megan and I both agreed we don't have Christian brothers serving us like Laura Lynn does. We joked with her about how she is spoiled, because she is! But she deserves to be. We all know how spoiled and selfish she is, yet we still continue spoiling her like a puppy dog with that face you just can't say no to. She told us we needed to get some good brothers. And another lesson came my way. Am I giving my brothers in Christ opportunities to serve me? Or am I complaining that men in our community aren't stepping up while continuing to take on the independent "I can do that myself" attitude? I am fearful of being served. I am fearful of letting others take care of me. As a result, I am enabling those around me to be subject to passivity and keeping men from having the opportunity to lead. And I am remaining a victim of fear.  


Then tonight as I tried to sleep, I awoke to intoxicated college students outside my apartment being very indecent and disorderly. It went on for an hour, and I felt the need to do something about it. But I did not know what. I peeked out the window and saw that it was a bunch of guys, and automatically fear set in again. So after calling the police,  I prayed. And while doing so, I prayed for my selfish friend. :) I went to her blog to look up some specific things I could pray for and in doing so saw she was also having a sleepless night. In fact, she had just put up a post about it, titled Sleepless Awakening. I just smiled and thanked God for His sovereignty. He had me awake for a reason. And her as well. Although our circumstances for being physically awake were frustrating, He used them to awake our souls in prayer to Him. Continually amazed by our LORD!


Here is a stache'd picture my friend Brandy sent me at just the right time to make me laugh in the middle of my crazy night. This one is for you Laura Lynn. Hope it makes you laugh more than my 97 annoying Facebook notifications. :)

A Glimpse of God's True Nature

Ever find it hard to get a glimpse of God's true nature? He can't do wrong by you. Regardless of who or how many have left you, neglected you, or hurt you, you'll never have to count God as one of those people. It's not just that He won't. He can't. His very nature makes it impossible. So rest assured: you can't wear out your welcome. You can't do anything good enough to make Him love you any more than He already does, nor can you do anything bad enough to make Him love you any less. God is unchangeable, forever committed to His love relationship with you. Only He is capable of loving you without any limits whatsoever, and only He is deserving of your limitless love in return.

Of course, I am not the only one who has ever found this hard to believe. Rather than recognizing God as an extravagant lover, many see Him as a harsh, impossible-to-please, judgmental disciplinarian. Take Jews, for example. They are God's chosen people. One may say, "Chosen? For what? Misery?"

Have the Jewish people suffered misery? Anyone who has read the Old Testament or walked through a Holocaust museum wouldn't be foolish enough to try to deny this fact. But was God unfamiliar with their plight? Absolutely not. If anything, God is the only one who kept them from extinction, by their own deeds and by the evil deeds of others.

Indeed, no one's plight in life goes unnoticed by God. He alone is sympathetic to every suffering known to humanity. Consider the following:


At the end of time, billions of people were scattered on a great plain before God's throne. Some of the groups near the front talked heatedly, not cringing with shame but with belligerence. 


"How can God judge us? How can He know about suffering? snapped a joking brunette. She jerked back a sleeve to reveal a tattooed number from a Nazi concentration camp. "We endured terror, beatings, torture, death."


In another group, a black man lowered his collar. "What about this?" he demanded, showing an ugly rope burn. "Lynched for no crime but being black! We've suffocated in slave ships, been wrenched from loved ones, toiled till only death gave relief."


Far out across the plain were hundreds of such groups. Each one had a complaint against God for the evil and suffering being permitted in this world. 


How lucky God was to live in Heaven, where all was sweetness and light, where there was no weeping, no fear, no hunger, no hatred. Indeed, what did God know about what man had been forced to endure in this world? "After all, God leads a pretty sheltered life," they said.


So each group sent out a leader, chosen because he had suffered the most. There was a Jew, a black, an untouchable from India, an illegitimate, a person from Hiroshima and one from a Siberian slave camp. In the center of the plain, they consulted with each other. At last, they were ready to present their case. 

It was rather simple: Before God would be qualified to be their judge, He must endure what they had endured. Their decision was that God should be sentenced to live on earth as a man. 


But because He was God, they set certain safeguards to be sure He could not use His divine powers to help Himself:


Let Him be born a Jew. 


Let the legitimacy of His birth be doubted so that none will know who is really His father.


Let Him champion a cause so just but so radical that it brought down upon Him the hate, condemnation and eliminating efforts of every major traditional and established religious authority. 


Let Him try to describe what no man has ever seen, tasted, heard or smelled. Let Him try to communicate God to men.


Let Him be betrayed by His dearest friends. Let Him be indicted on false charges and tried before a prejudiced jury and convicted by a cowardly judge. 


Let Him see what it is to be terribly alone, completely abandoned by every living thing. Let Him be tortured, and let Him die the most humiliating death with common thieves. 


As each leader announced his portion of the sentence, loud murmurs of approval went up from the great throng of people. 


When the last had finished pronouncing the sentence, there was a long silence. No one uttered another word. No one moved. For suddenly, all knew - God has already served His sentence. 

Not only has God served His sentence (which He never deserved), but He's also served our sentence. Our sin does not have to separate us from the love of God. He sent His Son to redeem us from sin and to claim us as His spiritual bride.

Are you curious to learn more about God's true character and how you can experience life as the bride of Christ? You don't have to be a scholar or theologian to discover such revelations for yourself. All you really need to do is look to God's world and to His Word.

Quiet Times

Quiet Time. I will be the first to say I struggle with having one. We all do. What is it that often keeps me from having one? My trust in anything other than Christ. Myself. A discipleship relationship. Church. Friendship. Good Deeds. A significant other. Family. Sleep (waking up at 6am is yucky and sleep sounds a lot better). While all of these things are good, they are not where our trust should lie. When we look to them to be our source, we tend to forget our need for Christ. Then things get out of focus. There have been times within the past several months that I have been tempted to go to all sorts of sources that are inferior to Jesus when seeking energy and motivation for life. My biggest distraction is through serving others. When I busy myself with helping others I end up putting my trust in myself. I forget to take time to be quiet and humbled before God, and serve Him. 

I think of the passage in Luke 10:38-42 where Jesus has been invited to the house of Mary and Martha to visit and eat with them. As Jesus sat, Mary sat as well, and engaged Him in conversation listening and hanging on His every word. In the meantime, Martha is busy making preparations for their House Guest. It’s not long before Martha gets agitated that Mary is not helping, but rather is sitting listening to Jesus. As Martha enlists the Lord’s help in the dispute, Jesus lets her know that it is she (Martha) who is in the wrong, and not Mary. Martha had chosen worry and busyness over resting and listening in the presence of Jesus.

It’s helpful to see that the two women, quite likely, had different personalities. In this passage, we learn that Martha owned the house and not Mary. In John 11, in the healing of Lazarus, Mary is resigned to the death of Lazarus, while Martha wants Jesus to do something. Martha seems to be a competent and busy woman of action. Mary seems more reserved. Thus, it’s easier to understand why each gravitated to the place they did. In this story, Martha’s activity is a liability. In the story of Lazarus, it is her great strength. The important thing to note, for busy and active people, is their need to slow down and pull away to be with Jesus. While this might not be a natural inclination, it is a necessity.

What Martha fundamentally needs is a perspective change. She is “worried about many things.” The dynamic of worry is that it elevates peripheral things to the highest priority, creating a loss of perspective. It is ironic that worry and busyness can prevent us from taking time with the Lord, and yet it is only time away with God that causes a renewal of perspective. That is why Jesus gives the simple prescription “that only one thing is really needed,” and that is to spend time with Him. Worry makes us think that many things are absolute priorities, when really there is only one. It is not incidental that this story is followed by Jesus’ lessons on prayer. These lessons provide the fundamental attitude change needed to keep perspective. One of these lessons is to seek first God’s kingdom and His agenda. Another lesson is to be persistent, not always in actions, but in prayer. This is the primary way we are to be assertive. Jesus also teaches that we are to bring to God all of the things that are of concern to us, and entrust them to His care. As we follow these prescriptions in prayer, all of the other issues and worry begin to take their proper place and priority.


In verse 41, the passage more literally reads, “Mary has chosen the better portion.” The word “portion” is rich with Old Testament background. Take a look at Number 18, especially verses 8-10 and 20-29. Seriously, go read that and then come back here.


Got it? Okay, notice two things:


1. “Portion” in v. 8 is the Lord’s gift to his servants. It’s the term He used to describe His provision for the priests. The next several paragraphs describe how He will provide their food and all that they need to live. Because they had no land and no means to provide for themselves (v. 20) God promises to meet their needs through that “portion.”


2. “Portion” in v. 28 is our gift to the Lord. It is the sacrifice that He calls us to make to Him and what He requires of us.


Now flip to Lamentations 3. Verses 23-24 read, “[His compassions] are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.’” From which we see:


3. “Portion” is also used to refer to our Lord Himself. He is the thing that we most need and our ultimate source of life. 


In light of those it’s easy to see Jesus’ simple statement about choosing the better portion is filled with meaning, and ultimately points to Him. He is the gift as well as the giver. On the cross He even became the sacrifice offered to the Father on our behalf. Mary seemed to get this better than most. In fact, every time she shows up in the Bible – literally every time – she is at Jesus’ feet. Check it out. There’s our passage here, John 11:32 concerning Lazarus’ death and resurrection, and John 12:3 where she pours perfume on his feet. This was a woman who loved Jesus. Mary knew that Jesus had something to offer her, and she wanted that portion. She also knew that He wanted something from her. The portion she choose to give Him wasn’t her busyness, but her adoration. And most importantly she knew that Jesus Himself was her portion. He is our food source and she chose to go to Him for life. Jesus is to be our portion. Busyness and worry tend to provide their own food that raise our energy level and propel us, but we are to be energized by the Lord. He is to be the food for our souls. When other things provide that motivational food our souls become sick and undernourished resulting in a loss of perspective.


Psalm 73:26 has continued to come up for me through my times with Him, My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. What Jesus is telling Martha, and us too, is that she’s going to the wrong food source. She needs to taste, instead, of the Lord – the strength of our heart and our portion forever. 


Though a lot of things can distract us and promise to bring us life, only Jesus can really do this. As He is our 
portion, daily time with Him is a necessity. For me, I need to slow down and have a renewed perspective. I want to sit at Jesus' feet like Mary and give Him my adoration. Who's with me?

When You Feel Like Giving Up

Spiritual Warfare. I used to be a critic. I would hear my friend Laura Lynn tell me of her crazy nightmares and how she felt it was an attack from the enemy, and not really know what to think. I had never heard of such a thing. It was new to me, and I had never experienced or at least recognized spiritual warfare in my own life. However through the past year, I have experienced it up close and personal. It is a very real thing. But it doesn't have to defeat us. This post is dedicated to my friend Laura Lynn, who in my opinion has experienced enough spiritual attacks for all of us. I hope this is some encouragement to you sis. Don't give up. You got us peanuts to carry you. And Jesus of course :)

Spiritual warfare against the mind releases fear, confusion, despair and offense. Spiritual battles are not fought with fleshly ordinance. Scripture declares, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh” (2 Corinthians 10:3). Spiritual warfare is using the Word of God and your delegated authority to oppose demonic opposition against you.


The Holy Spirit is still giving us understanding of the ghostly powers that battle against us. Scripture says, “We wrestle not against flesh and blood” (Ephesians 6:12). The Apostle Paul makes it clear that we are in a spiritual war and declares that, “The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds” (2 Corinthians 10:4).

Before we attack principalities and powers let’s learn how to pull down the warring thoughts and imaginations that rise within us. Paul continued, “Casting down imaginations.” An imagination is an image, a picture formed in the spirit of your mind of something unseen. Something that exists only in the imagination is not real unless you give life to it. Have you experienced an imagination today? What did you do with it? Did you cast it down and move ahead? 

Spiritual warfare against the mind releases fear, confusion, despair and offense. Scripture says such things do not come from God, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

Let’s start with confusion. Corrupted imaginations can affect sound judgment and inject confusion into your life. Left unrestrained they will release uncertainty and cause difficulty with problem solving, staying attentive and remaining focused. Confusion is like a gray haze that dares you to enter. Mental murk is the symptom of a weapon that clouds truth. That’s why its source needs to be justly observed. Sometimes it is caused from lack of rest, health or disinformation that affects your ability to solve problems or clear your thoughts. At other times it’s the result of spiritual attacks, warfare within your mind that produces mixed-up thinking. When the haze assaults, remember that “God is not the author of confusion but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33). Often confusion is a spiritual attack against your mind that has little or nothing to do with the general circumstances surrounding you. If attacked by confusion plead the blood of Jesus over your mind and watch the cloudiness disappear like the morning fog at sunrise.

Sad news can release despair. Yet dismay from spiritual warfare usually has nothing to do with a sad story. Have you felt like you just wanted to give up and quit? Monday morning has come and you just want to turn back. One of the surest signs of spiritual attack against the mind is the feeling that you want to throw up your hands and quit. Despair feels like a lonely winter. It is the notion that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well. It is an attack against hope. Scripture says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). Notice that faith activates hope that resides in the unseen realm within. You have probably heard much about the importance of faith, but faith activates hope. Hope is the stuff that dreams are made of. That’s why the spirit of this world attacks it so. If the enemy can destroy your hope he can disarm your faith. Those times when you feel like quitting and the whole world is against you are sure signs that victory is right at the door. Pick up your double-edged sword and slay that feeling! Don't give up!


And this is just for you LL! Aww, SAD. 

The Bull in the China Shop

Jesus is a fierce, intentional man to be sure. But his passions are neither reckless nor momentary. Could a small, unintimidating figure accomplish such a sustained riot? To pull off driving “all of them out of the temple” would require more than a few seconds and repeated blows. This is a sustained assault. If a frail man with a meek voice tried this, he’d be logjammed by the sheer number and inertia of the traffic. Jesus is a locomotive, a juggernaut. For all practical purposes here, he is the bull in the china shop.

This is our Jesus.

But is this the Jesus of our worship songs? The religious fog sneaks in to obscure Jesus with lines comparing him to, “a rose trampled on the ground.” Helpless, lovely Jesus. Vegetarian, pacifist, tranquil. Oh, wait—that was Gandhi. Not Jesus.

           

Can you picture Gandhi or Buddha storming into the polling place of a local election, shouting, overturning tables, sending the participants fleeing? Now throw a small carnival into the mix, which they also need to rout. Impossible. Whoever did this would have to be really committed to clear the building. Fierce and intentional.

This is a breathtaking quality—especially when compared to our present age where doubt masquerades as humility, passivity cloaks as rest, and emasculated indecision poses as laid-back enlightenment.

Oh, Jesus could be soft, and he certainly was humble, but his fierce intentionality is riveting to watch.

A Beauty Worth Pursuing

The desire to be beautiful is an ageless longing. Beauty has been extolled and worshiped and kept just out of reach for most of us. (Do you like having your picture taken? Do you like seeing those pictures later? How do you feel when people ask you your age? This issue of beauty runs deep!) For others, beauty has been shamed, used, and abused. Some of you have learned that possessing beauty can be dangerous. And yet-and this is just astounding-in spite of all the pain and distress that beauty has caused us as women, the desire remains.

And it's not just the desire for an outward beauty, but more-a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are. Cinderella is beautiful, yes, but she is also good. Her outward beauty would be hollow were it not for the beauty of her heart. That's why we love her. InThe Sound of Music, the Countess has Maria beat in the looks department, and they both know it. But Maria has a rare and beautiful depth of spirit. She has the capacity to love whiskers on kittens and mean-spirited children. She sees the handiwork of God in music and laughter and climbing trees. Her soul is Alive. And we are drawn to her.

Ruth may have been a lovely, strong woman, but it is to her unrelenting courage and vulnerability and faith in God that Boaz is drawn. Esther is the most beautiful woman in the land, but it is her bravery and her cunning, good heart that moves the king to spare her people. This isn't about dresses and makeup . . . Don't you recognize that a woman yearns to be seen and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil. 


Last night the women in our ministry had a dinner and time of sharing. As we finished dinner and started making brownies, we all began whining for ice cream to go with our brownies that weren't even in the oven yet. Yes, we are selfish women. And very conspiring women as well. We realized our friend's brother, Josh, would be getting out of class soon and he could drop off some ice cream on his way home. I'm not sure we all actually expected him to do such a thing for such a whiny group of college girls. Just one phone call and he agreed to it! Not only did he drop off a tub of Neapolitan ice cream, but a note of encouragement and yellow tulips for all us ladies. The note specifically asked for us to thank God, and not him. But we are girls. So you know how the conversation lead on from there. Soon enough just about every girl was then whining about how we wish more men were like that and less passive. I now want to apologize for any guy's egos who were destroyed unknowingly in the process. We ask for your forgiveness and realize we also have a job to uplift and encourage our brothers in Christ. It got me thinking though, about biblical manhood and the sinful nature of passivity. And also the desire for women to be pursued and thought of as beautiful. So this is for all you ladies. And especially for Brandy. :) You are all beautiful!  


God loved us so much He sent His Son for us. He sacrificed His Son to pursue a relationship with us. And God has written us a love letter for each day through His Word. Letters like the one below are nice and encouraging, but this is just the words from a servant of Christ. A man who is not perfect in any way. 

Christ's love is so much more and He is perfect! Now go read Isaiah 43:4 :)

 

I decided to just take a picture of it. Here's a part of God's massive love letter to you. He loves you. 

He Who Promised is Faithful

Some of you know what I have been going through lately. To sum it up, God is teaching me to trust Him. When isn't He? I have taken a lot of time to process and reflect. To pray and seek Him. I haven't found the words to appropriately share my experiences through this blog. I have privately messaged some of you. Others know my story, and therefore not much needs to be said. If you are reading this and at this point have no idea what I am referring to, I encourage you to send me a text or a Facebook message and I would love to share with you! For those of you who have sent me encouraging messages in return, I really appreciate it. :)

I shared with my mom and she sent me an encouraging email in response. All it said was Joel 2:25-27. I usually take time to read all of her emails when she sends them to me, but for some reason this one got lost for a few days until this morning. When I read the verses, i cried. Tears flowed from my eyes and soaked my pillow. Tears that flowed from the deepest part of my heart.


I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— 
the great locust and the young locust, 
the other locusts and the locust swarm—

my great army that I sent among you. 

You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, 

and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, 

who has worked wonders for you; 

never again will my people be shamed. 

Then you will know that I am in Israel,
that I am the LORD your God, 

and that there is no other; 

never again will my people be shamed.

All my heart could whisper was, Yes, He who promised is faithful.

It's funny. Life. Rarely is it ever how we thought it would be. Those dreams you dreamed when you were young, before time took their toll. Before you realized just how unfair life could seem. Before you realized how exquisitely beautiful life is. Blessings aren't always packaged the way we expect them to be. Things rarely turn out to be like we hope they would. Some days are more difficult than I could ever had fathomed them to be. But He is faithful. He gives me life each day. There is beauty and love in each day. And it's desperately beautiful.

Save Me

When I was four years old, my father's mother got remarried. I was the youngest granddaughter and therefore was deemed "flower girl." My only memory of the wedding was an embarrassing one (go figure). I did a fantastic job of walking down the aisle lightly letting the petals fall from my fingers. It was beautiful. To everyone else at least. As I sat in the first pew, I couldn't help but think of all the poor flowers that were on the floor and would soon be stepped on as people left. I waited anxiously in my seat as the pastor pronounced the two husband and wife, and then hurried before them to collect the petals from the aisle. As you can imagine, I was soon informed they were to remain on the floor and told not to pick them up. This broke my heart. They didn't belong there. They were being crushed. I wanted to save them. But because they were there, something beautiful was happening. Two people were beginning their lives together.

Almost twenty years later, I am still trying to pick up the "flowers" in my life. Trying to protect them from being crushed. Afraid to let what appears beautiful in my life at first go because I want to be my own savior. Letting them go sometimes causes pain and hurt. But it's not until I lay them down, that Christ can turn this surrender into something truly beautiful. And when I do let them fall, and even be trampled on, it reflects God's love and marriage to the Church through Christ. So as I was thinking about this, I borrowed an idea from a friend of mine and wrote a song to reflect this thought of letting the flowers in our lives fall so God can show us a greater beauty through saving us each day.

I'm right here waiting

For you to open your eyes

To the Beauty that can be unveiled

By having Me in your life

My love is brighter than diamonds

I'm here, but your love is being robbed

From the fear you've crossed the line

You're too proud to let Peace find you

But I'm still here

Always been here

I wish you could give it up

I wanna be wear you lay your trust

Be where your hope is found

You're no longer lost

Come back to me

Come back to me

Somewhere inside

Your freedom cries

I can hear it scream

Save me, Save me

Their worldly lusts

Have hurt your trust

But I wanna be your Trust

Don't be ashamed, you aren't to blame

You laid it down

And later found

Your weakness

Is not my weakness

The flowers fell

The tears did swell

Rescued from hell

And you're here to tell

Somewhere inside

Your freedom cries

I can hear it scream

Save me, Save me

Save me, Save me

Save me, Save me