Finding My Own Flame

Help Me Find My Own Flame (Will Reagan)

I don’t want to ride on somebody else’s passion

I don’t want to find that I’m just dry bones

I want to burn with unquenchable fire

Deep down inside see it coming alive

Help me find my own flame

Help me find my own fire

I want the real thing

I want Your burning desire

Do what only You can do

In my heart tonight,

There’s no better time

There’s no better time

There’s no better time

There’s no better time

This song has been on my heart so strong for the past few days. I have reached a point in my life where God has shown me my own flame, He has given me my own passion, and I am becoming more and more excited with who I am in Christ. Before I came to Johnson City, I had the desire to live anywhere in the world as long as it was nowhere close to my hometown, Bristol. I was afraid of how easily my mom and close friends were able to see through me. I wanted to move away and live a life where nobody knew the real me. I never saw myself graduating from ETSU and then remaining in this city for another year. But these past three years I have been surrounded by friends, family, and my church community. And now I will be continuing on in that community through an internship with CRU at ETSU. This whole experience has taught me that before committing to this internship I was living off of someone else’s flame. I was living off of who I thought society expected me to be and not who I was in Christ.

Being in this community has taught me a lot about who I am. I have been surrounded by people who really know me, and speak truth into my life. They have watched me grow, know my weaknesses, witnessed my strengths. They have shown me what it looks like to to focus on Christ’ voice in my life and have a lot of heart to hearts with Him. God has opened up my eyes to see me for who I really am. Early on in my college career there was a lot about myself that I didn’t like. The Lord has helped me to work through a lot of my junk and to get past the pity party of me and my problems. I still have issues, but I have learned the enemy will always fight for me and I have to constantly fight back.

Now that I have worked through a lot of my baggage the Lord has shown me a Deirdre who I really love. She is full of passion, her heart burns for God, and she has no limitations on her life. My eyes have been opened to a new world. I used to be insecure with myself. I had so many limitations in my life for fear of failure. I used to let people control who I was, how I acted, I even let them make my decisions for me. I am finally at a place in my life where I am content with who I am. 

I listened to the wrong voices for so long that I stopped listening to Gods voice in my life and who He said I was. People would have never known I was going through anything; I had a really good mask that I would take with me everywhere I went. I always wanted what someone else had. I would look at someone who knew who they were in Christ and what they were passionate about, and I would long to have that same fire in my heart. But I went about it the wrong way, instead of searching inside of my own heart for the passions and abilities that God had already given me I focused on other people’s gifts and talents. I used to be so lost.

But now I am found. I have my own passions, I am utilizing the gifts that God has given me. I am riding on my own passion with a flame burning inside of me in which God has placed. I now take peoples advice, opinions, expectations and I place them before the Lord. I take what is good and discard of the bad. The Lord has placed a shield over my heart that guards me from taking in anything that is not of Him. I have placed my identity in the hands of Christ and cried out “HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME, MOLD ME, SHAPE ME, DIRECT MY PATH AND I WILL ALWAYS FOLLOW YOU” And God has responded saying “I will” in his powerful yet gentle voice.

I will always listen to people’s voices in my life; I will take what they say to heart. I will allow them to help me, guide me, shape me, BUT I will never allow them to control me. I thank God for the people in my life, I have an amazing mom who has taught me everything I know. My family will always be there for me when I need them the most. I have amazing sisters in Cru who have helped shape me into the Deirdre that I am today. This community has had a wonderful impact on my life, and I am now looking forward to working with some amazing men and women of God on our Cru staff team. The Lord has blessed me with an amazing community of believers who are fighting with me to see that God has His way with me.

I used to be dry bones but God has awakened the fire inside of me and I am living off of my passion for Christ. If you are in the same boat as me, just like the song above says…There is no better time! Now is the time to start living off of the passions and the flame the God has given you. If you tap into the identity that God has for you, you will never want to ride off of anyone else’s passion. God has so much for you and His arms are wide open.

All you have to do is run in.

If you would like to listen to the song I wrote about, I posted a video below that you can play. Enjoy!