Daniel Fast (Day Twenty-Broken)

BROKEN. That’s how I have felt lately. Just like my broken clay pots. I’m a lot like those broken vessels. My life may look “good enough” on the outside, but my heart still has broken places in it that can never be fixed.

We all have those broken places in our lives where bad things happened to us.  Or maybe things didn’t turn out like we had planned.  Maybe we have been disappointed by something or someone.  Maybe we have things in our past that have left scars on our hearts.

But here is the good news:

Beautiful things can grow in broken places.

God is growing beautiful things in me. Beauty has sprung from my broken places. In my broken places, I have found a better perspective of what is truly important in life. I have found a deeper walk with Christ. Only Christ can bring beauty from our broken places. But we have to let Him. We have to trust.  We have to pray.  We have to hide His word in our hearts.

I love 2 Corinthians 12:9, 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (brokeness).” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses (brokeness), so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

God’s love can be made perfect in our brokeness.  Praise HIM!

We all are broken, aren’t we?  Some of us have little cracks in our lives and some of us have big gaping holes.

My prayer is that we would allow Jesus to grow beauty in our broken places.

Daniel Fast (Day Eighteen-Broken)

(February 9th, 2012)

The Word tells us in Isaiah 64:8, Yet O Lord, You are our Father. We are the clay; You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand. As I mentioned in my last post, I feel like God is using my current work with clay to identify more with this picture of who we are in His hands. I envision God, the Potter, sitting at the wheel, with me as the shapeless glob of clay spinning out of control with no structure...spinning, spinning, spinning - no real direction or purpose. Then the Lord sets His loving hands upon me, firm but gentle. No longer spinning aimlessly and out of control, the rough edges begin to smooth out. As I begin to take shape with a solid foundation and a bit of structure, He releases the firm grip and exchanges it with the loving touch of His finger in the center as if pointing to the core of me to say, "You are mine and you will be formed to serve my purposes." With His finger touching on the center and the core being exposed, the junk that is inside has no place else to go but to be purged out.

These past three weeks have been like me being on a throwing wheel, in more than one way. I have been eating a lot differently, so naturally my body has gone through a detoxification process. Most food is contaminated by various ingredients deemed unnecessary for human life, such as flavor enhancers, food coloring, and artificial preservatives. My body has been cleansed from such toxins and restored to a more natural state. The same can be said for me spiritually. I have been experiencing God in a more intentional and intimate matter, so naturally my heart has gone through its own cleansing. Most of our nature is contaminated by various ingredients deemed sinful and therefore a hindrance to having a Spirit-filled life, such as toxic thoughts, unhealthy values, and selfish motives. My heart has been cleansed from such toxins and restored to a more pure state. 

In the picture above the unnecessary clay has been pulled out from the center and laid aside. Christ did the same for us when He took on our sins and laid His life aside. With that one time it was finished. All my sin has been taken on by Him for eternity and I am His. I'm so thankful the Lord is continually exposing me and cleansing me from my junk so I can better serve Him!

Daniel Fast (Day Seventeen-Broken)

(February 8th, 2012)

A broken vessel. This was the result of my attempt to construct a beautiful Jomon clay pot tonight for my ceramics class. After completing one fairly easily, I went on to begin another. This time, it was much more difficult. The clay wasn't the right consistency. It was too dried and only crumbled in my hands. I added water to soften it, just as I did for the other, but for this one it was not working. After almost an hour, I had only built up 2-3 inches. Normally, my patience helps me slowly work with the clay and back off when I need to. But tonight, the clay and I just weren't communicating well. I wanted it to stand up and it wanted to just fall over. Eventually, it laid on the table in several pieces. The clay had resisted the shape I wanted it to take.


Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8


Just as I desired for the clay to submit to me, The Lord wants us to submit to His providence. The first lump of clay I worked with was totally, unconditionally, passive in my hand. It gave no resistance. The same happens when we come to peace with God; then we become as clay in the hand of the Potter, making no resistance to whatever the Lord will make of us. When we are unconditionally surrendered to whatever the Lord will make of us, we find peace.


A lot of times we aren't like the first lump of clay. We instead resist the Potter, stubborn and wanting to control how we are shaped. Sometimes God sends us trials to mold us. The Lord said His ways are higher than our ways. His revealed purpose in Isaiah 55:7 says, Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

That purpose is so simple and so pure. It is that our hearts return unto the Lord; we are to stop cleaving to the things of this dust. Truly, as clay in His hands, without any resistance or attempts to dictate or form the vessel, we are to let Him do the forming. He is the Potter. We are to return unconditionally, surrendering our will to His. Then we also have the reward: he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

Daniel Fast (Day Sixteen-Broken)

(February 7th, 2012)

Some have been easy. Some have been challenging. Some days I've succeeded. Some days I've failed miserably. This is what I think of when I think of the past sixteen days. The truth is I have failed not only a couple times, but each day. And I have this preconceived notion that on day 22 I will succeed. Because I have dedicated 21 days to fasting and prayer and that is the perfect recipe to fix myself.

The thing is, I will never be fixed while here on this earth. I am broken and that is how God wants me. I fail each day on my own because I am not supposed to do it on my own. I fail so that He can give me the strength. I am tempted to cut corners so that He can show me He is the Only Way. I am terrified by nightmares so that He can be my comfort. I am out of energy before I even wake up so He can sustain me. I am uncertain about the future so He can show me the plans He has for me. I am discouraged by conflict with others so He can encourage me with the community of the Church. I am tempted by desires of this world so He can show me He satisfies. I am left feeling lonely so He can wrap me in His loving arms. I am overwhelmed with my to-do list so that I can spend more time with Him. I am scared when sharing my faith so He can speak through me. I am heartbroken hearing other girls' struggles so that I can use my testimony for His glory. I am convicted when I am prideful so that He can humble me. I am tempted to seek revenge so He can prove He is the only Judge. I am broken so He can forgive me. I am broken so He can use me. I am broken so I can die to myself and follow Him.

God has shown me just how broken and in need of Him I am. In some ways, I am more of a mess than I was sixteen days ago. The tension that has been building up in my heart and has finally been released. My heart is broken and that isn't always the prettiest sight to mankind. But to God it's absolutely beautiful. I am humbled before Him with my hands open, laying it all down. That is exactly where He wants me. I am His broken vessel.

I don't want to be "fixed" at day 22, or day 222. I want to continually be in need of my Jesus. There is comfort in knowing I will always be failing on my own so that I can trust Him. Christ has redeemed me and used my failures to make them His victories. I am redeemed. He is significant. I am nothing without Him. Without Him nothing about me is relevant.

A Betrayal of Love

Can you imagine if on your honeymoon one of you sneaked off for a rendezvous with a perfect stranger? Adam and Eve kicked off the honeymoon by sleeping with the Enemy. Then comes one of the most poignant verses in all Scripture: "What is this you have done?" (Gen. 3:13). You can almost hear the shock, the pain of betrayal in God's voice. The fall of Adam and Eve mustn't be pictured as a crime like theft, but as a betrayal of love. In love God creates us for love, and we give him the back of our hand. Why? Satan gets us to side with him by sowing the seed of doubt in our first parents' minds: "God's heart really isn't good. He's holding out on you. You've got to take things into your own hands." And Paradise was lost.

Yet there was something about the heart of God that the angels and our first parents had not yet seen. Here, at the lowest point in our relationship, God announces his intention never to abandon us but to seek us out and win us back. "I will come for you."Grace introduces a new element of God's heart. Up till this point we knew he was rich, famous, influential, even generous. Behind all that can still hide a heart that is less than good. Grace removes all doubt.

Daniel Fast (Day Twelve - Exposed)

Lately I've been looking at this fast as more of a duty that I can't wait to be over, rather than a privilege I never want to end. When I began I was so excited about having an opportunity to spend 21 days walking so closely with the Lord. I thought of Central Asia and how I had to rely on the Holy Spirit and my time with the Lord just to get through the day. I wanted the intimacy I felt with Him while there. What I forgot about was how painful that journey was and it wasn't all flowery. It was a constant battle. The past twelve days have been a battle. Some days I put on the armor of God and fight. Sadly, other days I give up before I get out of bed. But no matter what my attitude is, I take confidence in the fact that I can never be defeated with Christ.

This battle takes perseverence and the right attitude. I admit that lately I have had a very sour attitude towards this time. It's evident in many areas. I've not been relying on the Spirit, but my own strength when it gets tough. I've never truly felt abandoned by God, because my faith simply will not allow me. But I can relate to the feeling those who have felt that way experience. I know that it's actually the opposite though. It's because we abandon God. I haven't been seeking Him faithfully.

What is it that is robbing me from pursuing Christ as I should? I could name off several things. But there is only one word to sum it up. SIN. It's an ugly word that we don't like to use. So instead we call it distraction, lack of time, temptation, selfishness, peer pressure, or simply no desire. In reality, those are all the same in God's eyes. SIN.

Hebrews 4:13 says, And no creature is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before His eyes, and He is the one to whom we are accountable.

When this verse was presented to me last night I automatically thought of those who I know have hidden their sin and betrayed those I am close to. It didn't take very long for God to pull at my heart and say, Hey you are just as guilty! Although my actions and thoughts may not be as obvious or exposed, or in my head as extreme, there is nothing that is not manifest in His sight. There is no being who is not wholly known to God. And when you put it that way, one can react in two ways. Either in fear because they are disobedient and convicted of the sin they are hiding, or they are comforted by the fact they don't have to (and can't) keep things from God.

Who would wish the world to read all their thoughts and feelings for a single day? Who would wish their best friend to look in upon their naked soul as one looks into a room through a window? Not I. And yet God already does. He reads every thought; sees every feeling; looks through the entire soul. How careful should we be to keep our hearts pure; how anxious that there should be nothing in the soul we aren't willing to have known!

Our account; our reckoning is to be with Him before all is naked and open. We cannot, therefore, impose on Him. We cannot pass off hypocrisy for sincerity. He will judge us according to truth, not according to appearances; and his sentence will be just. A man who is to be tried by one "who knows all about him," should be a pure and holy man.

I want to strive to live a lifestyle that causes me to react with a thankful heart to God's all knowing power. God understands our thoughts, feelings, and plans distinctly. When I don't understand myself and my girlfriends can't offer me any clarity on my craziness, God can. He knows how I am feeling about this fast. He knows the sinful thoughts I have. He knows the emptiness and weak areas of my heart. He knows I have been unfaithful to Him. He knows I have been disobedient. He knows I haven't had the best attitude. He wants me to seek Him with all my sin and be exposed - and forgiven! The truth of verse 13 is then followed with grace in verses 14-16,

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

All that I have ever felt and ever will, He has experienced and been tempted by. Yet He is perfect and without sin. There is nobody else who has experienced all and overcome all. I need Him to know and I need His mercy and grace. This is my prayer.

If you’re broken, and falling down.
If your sin, has got you bound.
Bow your head, put your knees on the ground
And call to God. Call out to God.

Come boldly to the throne of grace.
Find mercy, find mercy.
Come boldly to the throne of grace.
Find mercy, find mercy, and grace.

If you’re empty, don’t care anymore.
If your everything just walked out the door.
Bow your head, put your knees on the floor
And call to God.  Call out to God.

Come boldly to the throne of grace.
Find mercy, find mercy.
Come boldly to the throne of grace.
Find mercy, find mercy, and grace.

You’ll find mercy, you’ll find love.
You’ll find grace flowing down from above.
Jesus know right where you are.
And he’ll walk with you right through the fire.
Yes, Jesus is there in your fire.

If you’re broken, and falling down.
If you’re empty, or sin has you bound.
Bow your head, put your knees on the ground.
And call to God.  Call out to God.

Come boldly to the throne of grace.
Find mercy, find mercy.
Come boldly to the throne of grace.
Find mercy, find mercy, and grace.

words & music by Jimmy Workman, © 2007
based on Hebrews 4:14-16

With All Your Heart

The heart is the connecting point, the meeting place between any two persons. The kind of deep soul intimacy we crave with God and with others can be experienced only from the heart. I know a man who took his daughter to dinner; she was surprised, delighted. For years she had been hoping he would pursue her. When they had been seated, he pulled out his Day Timer and began to review the goals he had set for her that year. "I wanted to burst into tears and run out of the restaurant," she said. We don't want to be someone's project; we want to be the desire of their heart. Gerald May laments, "By worshiping efficiency, the human race has achieved the highest level of efficiency in history, but how much have we grown in love?"

We've done the same to our relationship with God. Christians have spent their whole lives mastering all sorts of principles, done their duty, carried on the programs of their church . . . and never known God intimately, heart to heart. The point is not an efficient life of activity-the point is intimacy with God. "You will find me," God says, "when you seek me with all your heart" (Jer. 29:13). As Oswald Chambers said, "So that is what faith is-God perceived by the heart."

What more can be said, what greater case could be made than this: to find God, you must look with all your heart. To remain present to God, you must remain present to your heart. To hear his voice, you must listen with your heart. To love him, you must love with all your heart. You cannot be the person God meant you to be, and you cannot live the life he meant you to live, unless you live from the heart.