Daniel Fast (Day Eight)

The Fruit of the Spirit is evidence of living a Spirit-filled life. Galatians 5:22-23 speaks of "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control." These are all attributes of the fruit of the Spirit in which I have experience increasing growth within the last few months. However, I would say self-control has been an area in which I have struggled the most. This fast has been helpful in putting me in a place where I am very aware of my need for the Holy Spirit to be in control and not myself.

Today I lead my discipleship group of girls and for the last 30 minutes of our time together we went out sharing. Cru uses a tool called Soularium, which is a picture survey, to lead into the gospel with students we meet. After 20 minutes of walking around and not finding anyone to talk to, Karina and I finally met a girl near the library. We did Soularium with her, and through the questions we asked we found out she was Wickan. She was very open with us and explained how she became Wickan four years ago after a process of searching for answers to her questions about life and the desire to find satisfaction. However, in four years she hadn't found what she was looking for. When conversations lead to answers like this it would be very easy to transition into, "Well let me tell you about Jesus. He is the answer to all life's questions and will satisfy all your desires." And I have taken these opportunities in the past to lead directly into the gospel. However, this time was different. I was trusting the Spirit and not my selfish desire to rush into the gospel in the quick two minutes we had left to talk to her. I felt lead to remain humble and patient, and was overcome by self-control. God was telling me to steward my time left with her in a more effective way. He was assuring me that He would be faithful in providing a better time for me to share the gospel with her if I would simply share His love through my actions in these last few moments. What she needed first was to see Christ's love through me caring enough to get to know her. In the remaining time we had with her she expressed her struggle with developing close friendships between work and school the past year, and how she desires to have people in her life who cared enough to take the time to get to know here like we were. Bingo, there was God's answer! We exchanged phone numbers and planned to meet up again this week to talk more.

Sometimes it's easy to become so anxious in getting to the gospel with someone that they get turned off before  you get there. They can sense that you aren't genuinely concerned for them as a person, and have ulterior motives. This girl respected us more for not doing that and through seeing we were different, she agreed to have lunch with me Friday. Now I imagine my lesson in self-control is still in session, as I know I won't be eating very much when we do meet. If this is something she notices I pray it will spark a natural transition into sharing with her more about my relationship with the Lord. Now don't get me wrong, my intentions are to share the gospel with her and I pray her heart will be open to it. Patience is something else the Lord has been disciplining me in during this fast. My interactions with my new friend are going to require a lot of patience. As I respectfully listen to share about her beliefs, I pray the Holy Spirit moves in her as I share Christ with her.

I'm so thankful for the Holy Spirit and His role in my life. His intercession in our conversations when we are yielding to Him is perfect in timing and humbles us to be more like Christ. He interceded and lead the conversation with my friend today. Through His empowerment in my life, I'm having the opportunity to share Christ with others. Have you yielded your life to Him? Are you seeing Fruit of the Spirit in your life? Are you sharing Christ with others? If not, I encourage you to read more about how to discover the Spirit-filled life here.

Daniel Fast (Day Five)

(This post was written January 27th, 2012)

Today has definitely been an extreme challenge of my body physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This morning at work I wanted so badly to say "Yes, I would love a cream cheese bagel!" when asked by a coworker if I would like something from Einstein Bros. But instead, I politely declined. I thought that was tough, but little did I know what the weekend ahead of me would look like.

This weekend was Preview Weekend for Cru, where Juniors and Seniors from the Midsouth Region gathered in Charlotte, NC to get a preview of what going on staff with the Cru ministry would look like, hear from God about how we can use our majors and gifts for ministry after we graduate, and just rest in Him. So when I was awkwardly eating my green beans in the parking lot while waiting on everyone to carpool, I encountered my first "Why are you eating that?" question. And then when we stopped for dinner at McAlister's I felt entitled to order the Big N' Nasty like Samantha did. And yes I wanted the cookie to go with it too. But I suffered through eating my watered down iceberg lettuce salad, picking out the cheese and croutons. And tonight after the main session we had Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in the hospitality room. I was tempted to snatch one, but I knew I needed to stay strong. I brought out my fruit instead and was asked why I was being so healthy. Now the questioning was getting hard. I just wanted to give up for the weekend so I could enjoy all the good food with my friends.

It was the talk tonight by Roger Hershey that helped me get a better perspective for my weekend and take on a more positive attitude. He talked about the things in life we feel entitled to and the sacrifices we will have to make to follow the Lord. We aren't promised an easy journey. We live in a fallen world and we will suffer and sacrifice. But God loves us and we can trust Him to provide for us and care for us.

God has provided for me thus far on this fast. Honestly, I wouldn't even be complaining if I were home this weekend, not being tempted with all this good food. So I am yielding the pleasure of food this weekend as well so I can continue following Him closely in intimacy and in focus. The reason I am here is to gain further wisdom and discernment on how I fit into God's plan after I graduate. This weekend is about is about Him, not me. My life is about Him, not me. My life is not my own. It is His. I want to use my life to serve God in a way that pleases Him. I want to spend my weekend doing the same.

I am so thankful for God calling me to a time of prayer and fasting while here so I can better clear my heart and mind from all other things. I am glad He did not call me to do it alone, but in community. With the accountability of those here with me, supporting me, I didn't sneak that tantalizing glazed doughnut. This may very well be a critical weekend in determining my future and how I serve the Lord. Serving Him is also an area I am called to do in community with others.

With that, I pray for discernment concerning timing and my singleness as I enter into full-time ministry. I am very content with how God has been growing me as a single woman these past few months, but I do have the desire to be a wife and mother one day. Part of me isn't trusting God, thinking if I were to enter into a relationship I would stop growing in Him. That is because relationships have always been the downfall for me. They are the one thing in life that most distracts me from falling the path God has for me. And that's scary. I feel secure in Christ when I am single, but I have this unwavering fear that all my past insecurities will be uncovered once I am no longer single. That may be true, and I know that would be a test of my faith.

But another part of me feels selfish because I love doing ministry as a single woman. I treasure my time I have to spend hours telling girls my story and hearing how God is working in their lives. I desire a life where if God calls me to Central Asia, or New York, I can just pick up and go. I don't have to submit to a husband or worry about children. The Lord may possibly be calling me to singleness for a season of my life so I can serve Him in those ways before having a family that holds me back. And then there is the part of me that longs for a godly man who is called to be my husband, and with whom we will serve the Lord together.

These are all concerns I have coming into this weekend. Are these rights I am entitled to, or rights God is asking me to yield to Him? God, I know you are in control of all things, and You will work it out in a way that brings the most glory to yourself. I want to be used for the expansion of Your Kingdom. Here I am, Lord. Send me.

Daniel Fast (Day Four)

This morning I woke up, more exhausted than usual, but to my delight with a dream on my mind. I had another dream last night, and this time it was about my friend Dana. Dana is someone whom I have been praying for some time now. I met her almost four years ago during my time at Emory and Henry, and although we both left after one semester, we have remained good friends since then. You know those people, that when you meet them you just connect as if you have known each other your entire lives? Well that was Dana. However, soon after we got to know each other she became very sick. After about a year of many doctor's visits, tests, and even a specialized diet, she was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. The tick bite was a few years ago and Dana is now experiencing debilitating symptoms of later-stage LD. She suffers from severe headaches, painful arthritis and swelling of joints. In time it may also lead to cardiac abnormalities, and central nervous system involvement leading to cognitive (mental) disorders. Before she would become very ill we would try to see each other about every other month. It's been almost two years since I have seen her now. She has been bed-ridden most of the time.

Through all this suffering, Dana's faith is stronger than most. Her positive attitude constantly amazes me. One of her texts recently read, It's rough but I keep thinking of what Christ did on the cross, which no way can compare to this. So that's just getting me through. I hope you are doing well and just stay out of the woods and don't get Lyme!

If anyone had reason to make excuses for not following the Lord and trusting Him completely, Dana would be one of them. But she doesn't make excuses. And none of us are entitled to make excuses. In Luke, Jesus speaks about the cost of following him:

To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:59-62 ESV)

In this passage, those following him are making excuses for why they cannot follow Christ immediately. It's easy for me to wake up on mornings like today and think to myself, "Lord, I just can't wake up and serve you right now." I'd rather complain about how exhausted I am, how bad my head hurts, my terrible cough that won't go away..and oh yeah, the fact that I won't taste REAL food for another 17 days! To me, that looks like enough sacrifice to allow me to go back to bed and not spend time with the Lord. But having a friend like Dana and being reminded of the suffering she has faced for so long makes me so thankful that although it's tough, at least i have the energy to get out of bed and live a pretty normal lifestyle. She not only suffers, but seeks the Lord as her strength in her time of weakness.

I thank the Lord for the humbling reminder, that as Dana would say, "nothing compares to what Christ did on the cross." If we were to all wake up with the cross on our minds, we would all be more humble and thankful. And I bet we would all be willing to suffer more for Christ, without so much complaining. So as I continue this fast, I remember my friend Dana and the sacrifices she makes for her Savior each day, allowing her testimony of faith to live on. And that reminds me of Christ's greatest sacrifice of all, himself, so that we have the privilege of following Him. It's a privilege we spend too much time making excuses for not taking. What is your excuse today?

Daniel Fast (Day Three)

At last week's Cru meeting, we began our series "Streams in the Desert." I felt this would be a great series to start the semester with. I know I was already feeling dry spiritually, and I wasn't alone. Our director, TL Berry, explained that our dry times are a result of sin. And as much as I knew this was true, I didn't want to admit it. But it's true, we all encounter times where we look to other places to give us the life that only the Source of Living Water can offer us. The only stream in the desert is Jesus.

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified. 
(John 7:37-39 ESV)

You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.
(John 5:39-40 ESV)

So what do we do in these dry times? Identify our sin. Confess it. Claim the truth of the gospel. One question I am asking myself every day during this fast is Where am I trying to find life? Am I going to the Source? Or am I looking elsewhere?

This morning was rough. In addition to beginning this fast, I am getting over bronchitis from last week. It has left me exhausted and although I am getting more than eight hours of sleep every night, I feel so drained and depleted of energy. I woke up with a headache and my cough was so bad I could barely breath from my ribs hurting so bad. I texted the director at Agape and informed her I would not be coming in to volunteer, because at this point I could not talk either. My heart cried out to the Lord, not understanding why I was suffering so much. I was about to just turn over and fall back to sleep with another dose of cough medicine, when I remembered my prayer from yesterday. I expressed the desire of my heart to have intimacy with the Father, no matter what suffering I had to go through. I realized this was the Lord calling me to closeness with Him and put the medicine back on the shelf. I sat up in my bed and prayed to Him, and within minutes I was fast asleep and dreaming.

Now for many people, this wouldn't be so unusual. But I haven't dreamt in months, not since October. Before then I would dream multiple times a night and I could always remember them so vividly. Then over the summer in Central Asia I began experiencing nightmares. They tormented me and made me fearful of even going to sleep. I shared my struggles with my friend Laura Lynn, who also has trouble with nightmares and sleeping. The nature of my nightmares caused me to believe they were a form of spiritual warfare. The last week I dreamt was in October and I only slept about ten hours out of the entire week. The nightmares were terrifying and involved struggles I no longer faced while conscious, but now I was reliving them in my sleep. They were experiences Christ had brought me from and sin He had defeated in victory. To make a long story short, the nightmares forced me to talk to others about their content, and for the first time I began sharing dark places from my past, and bringing my experiences into the light. This began a spiritual awakening in my life and the lives of many I began sharing my story with. As I opened up, the nightmares ended. But so did the dreams I enjoyed.

Until this morning. And when I woke up, I could remember not only one dream, but three. I thanked God and praised Him for giving me this gift out of my time with Him this morning. Yes, I woke up miserable at first. But the Lord wanted me to call on Him and seek Him to give me the life and energy I needed. This past week I have been looking to myself and medicine to make me strong, more than I have been looking to Christ. When I looked to the Source of Life, He blessed me with rest and peace through my dream-filled slumber.

Where are you trying to find life? Are you going to the Source? Or are you looking elsewhere?

Daniel Fast (Day Two)

Before going to bed last night, I read some more of Forgotten God. I have been taking this book in little by little so that I can have time to absorb, process, and reflect upon the words. The last paragraph I read before putting the book down last time was highlighted and read,

"God said to Israel, "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD" (Jer. 29:13-14). When is the last time you sought after God with all your heart? We are not Israel, but God still desires to be sought and found by His people. Ask the Holy Spirit to enable you to set everything aside right now so that you can seek Him wholeheartedly. Tell God that you want intimacy with Him, no matter what, even if it necessitates suffering on your part. When this relationship with Him is as it should be, there is nothing more satisfying or meaningful."

I read this paragraph sometime last week, not even thinking about fasting at the time it was read. But I did pray for the Holy Spirit to intercede and guide me to intimacy with Him. The two verses preceding Jeremiah 29:13-14 read, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you" (Jer.29:11-12).

These verses in Jeremiah, particularly verse 11, have been one of my favorite passages since my first semester of college. Now that it is my last semester of college, they are even more important to me. It's so neat to see how God has played this truth out in my life the past 5 years. When I prayed through these verses 5 years ago, God knew I would be praying through them again now. When I prayed through them last week, God knew the plans for me to begin this fast this week. He knew I would call on Him and pray to Him. And He promised He would listen. He knew I would take this time to seek Him with all my heart. I am seeking Him and finding Him. I am doing it no matter what. And He knew it would, as a matter of fact, necessitate suffering on my part. Believe me, fasting is no walk in the park. But when compared to His suffering on the cross, limited contact with the social world and living off fruits and veggies is nothing. Jesus gave up His life for me to have a relationship with me. He doesn't want to have a mundane, run of the mill relationship with me. He wants me to have a close, intimate, fruitful relationship with Him. He sacrificed for me. Now I am making my own sacrifices so that this relationship He has pursued to have with me will be as satisfying and meaningful as He has planned it to be.

Daniel Fast (Day One)

I read my devotion for today, 1 Samuel 10, and looked for ways as I was reading to relate it to my time of fasting and prayer. I prayed for God to show me how to apply the passage to my life. This is what He revealed to me:

Saul was clearly appointed by God as Israel's first King. As a result of the Holy Spirit's work in Him, he became a different person. God was everything Saul needed for success, but as Saul's power grew, so did his pride. He stopped seeking God's will, and eventually jealousy and strife began to decay both him and the nation he had been entrusted to lead.

In the same way, my success depends solely on my devotion to God, not my position, wisdom, or strength. Being in a position of leadership within Cru, I have realized over the past year my struggle with pride. As a result of the Holy Spirit's work in me, I have become a different person. But as I have grown, so has my pride. Sometimes I become so focused on myself and the praise I receive for accomplishments, I forget God is the reason I have been allowed to even be in this position. I stop seeking God's will in my decisions and it becomes what I want to do. Most times what I want to do isn't terrible and even looks like God's will at first glance. But my motives are not always to bring God glory, and that is His will for me, to bring Him glory. More often than not, my motives are to bring myself satisfaction, and a sense of purpose, when it should be Christ alone.

I have not been obedient to God and have ignored His voice. My dependence on the Holy Spirit has turned into dependence on myself and others. God honors obedience - we must consistently obey God. Rebellion against Him is a very dangerous sin. As I have chosen to rebel, I have closed the door to forgiveness and restoration with God. I want this decision to obey him through fasting and prayer to be a discipline that reopens that door and restores intimacy with Him.

My sin has been very obvious to me today. I have become aware of how much I put my trust in other things. I experienced thoughts of fear and worry as I was convicted of changes I needed to make in my life, afraid of the hurt it may cause those who are affected. I have become such a people pleaser and my mind is overwhelmed with the names of those who I won't be investing my time in as much over the next 21 days. With that, I realized my worry stems from sin on my part. The reason I am having such a hard time with this is because I feel these people in my life need me, and I'm afraid of what may happen if I were to step back. I have been trusting myself with their lives, not the Lord. What I need to do is give up that control and trust God is in control. This surrender of control will allow me the opportunity to trust God completely and see Him work in their lives. And guess what? I can't take any credit for it. My pride won't even have a place to reside. My prayers I do not even own. The Holy Spirit intercedes and the almighty loving God answers. For the first time in a long time I am asking God to take me out of the spotlight and simply allow me to witness His power through prayer.

For those of you whom I am close to, I'm praying for you. I thank God for allowing me to be a part of your growth. This is my exit from the stage as I trust God with the leading role in your life. I'll be watching from  backstage as He allows me to and supporting you in between acts as any good stage crew member would. Give God the leading role in your life and truly allow Him to lead you. I will be doing the same.

Today I have surrendered my hunger to Him and allowed Him to fill me with His Word and Truth. The Lord has been my comfort when otherwise something sweet would have been a temporary indulgence. Instead, I indulge in the Love of my life, who will never fail me. This documents the first day of my Daniel fast, which will go on for 21 days and consist of only fruits, vegetables, nuts, and water. I know this is going to be extremely hard, and it will be the Lord who will provide the strength I need.

Father, I acknowledge that You are everything I need and I commit every area of my life to You during this season of prayer and fasting. I ask You to forgive me of any disobedience, arrogance and rebellion. I commit to walk in obedience to Your Word, I surrender control to You, and ask for Your Spirit to fill me so that I might live a life that glorifies you. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Let the Fasting Begin! (Day Before)

As the end of my last blog mentioned, I am beginning a fast. I wanted to begin by informing you of the power of fasting in general and reasons for fasting:

Fasting is the most powerful spiritual discipline of all the Christian disciplines. Through fasting and prayer, the Holy Spirit can transform your life. Fasting and prayer can also work on a much grander scale. According to Scripture, when God's people fast with a proper Biblical motive-seeking God's face not His hand-with a broken, repentant, and contrite spirit, God will hear from heaven and heal our lives, our churches, our communities, our nation and world. Fasting and prayer can bring about revival - a change in the direction of our nation, the nations of earth and the fulfillment of the Great Commission. The awesome power can be released through you as you fast through the enabling of the Holy Spirit.

Fasting was an expected discipline in both the Old and New Testament eras. For example, Moses fasted at least two recorded forty-day periods. Jesus fasted 40 days and reminded His followers to fast, "when you fast," not if you fast.

Fasting and prayer can restore the loss of the "first love" for your Lord and result in a more intimate relationship with Christ.

Fasting is a biblical way to truly humble yourself in the sight of God (Psalm 35:13; Ezra 8:21). King David said, "I humble myself through fasting."

Fasting enables the Holy Spirit to reveal your true spiritual condition, resulting in brokenness, repentance, and a transformed life.

The Holy Spirit will quicken the Word of God in your heart and His truth will become more meaningful to you!

Fasting can transform your prayer life into a richer and more personal experience.

Fasting can result in a dynamic personal revival in your own life-and make you a channel of revival to others.

Fasting and prayer are the only disciplines that fulfill the requirements of II Chronicles 7:14:

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

I took time this weekend to pray and prepare for my fast. I never thought the preparation for such a time would be so hard. Cru offers a Personal Guide to Prayer and Fasting. It answers practical questions about fasting and ease any concerns you may have. One of the points was on how to deal with the responses of friends and loved ones. I want to thank those who are praying for me and supporting me during this time. Tonight I received a phone call from a dear friend whom I will miss during this time. Although it will be hard, it was encouraging and great confirmation that this is going to be a powerful time of transformation by the Holy Spirit. And I am thankful for those I have surrounding me with love these next few weeks. 

I pray that as I fast I will be humbled and discover more time to pray and seek God's face. I pray He will lead me to recognize and repent of unconfessed sin. I pray He will use me as a witness to others during this time and even encourage some of you to put this spiritual discipline into practice in your own life.

Let the Fasting Begin!