Daniel Fast (Day Three)

At last week's Cru meeting, we began our series "Streams in the Desert." I felt this would be a great series to start the semester with. I know I was already feeling dry spiritually, and I wasn't alone. Our director, TL Berry, explained that our dry times are a result of sin. And as much as I knew this was true, I didn't want to admit it. But it's true, we all encounter times where we look to other places to give us the life that only the Source of Living Water can offer us. The only stream in the desert is Jesus.

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified. 
(John 7:37-39 ESV)

You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.
(John 5:39-40 ESV)

So what do we do in these dry times? Identify our sin. Confess it. Claim the truth of the gospel. One question I am asking myself every day during this fast is Where am I trying to find life? Am I going to the Source? Or am I looking elsewhere?

This morning was rough. In addition to beginning this fast, I am getting over bronchitis from last week. It has left me exhausted and although I am getting more than eight hours of sleep every night, I feel so drained and depleted of energy. I woke up with a headache and my cough was so bad I could barely breath from my ribs hurting so bad. I texted the director at Agape and informed her I would not be coming in to volunteer, because at this point I could not talk either. My heart cried out to the Lord, not understanding why I was suffering so much. I was about to just turn over and fall back to sleep with another dose of cough medicine, when I remembered my prayer from yesterday. I expressed the desire of my heart to have intimacy with the Father, no matter what suffering I had to go through. I realized this was the Lord calling me to closeness with Him and put the medicine back on the shelf. I sat up in my bed and prayed to Him, and within minutes I was fast asleep and dreaming.

Now for many people, this wouldn't be so unusual. But I haven't dreamt in months, not since October. Before then I would dream multiple times a night and I could always remember them so vividly. Then over the summer in Central Asia I began experiencing nightmares. They tormented me and made me fearful of even going to sleep. I shared my struggles with my friend Laura Lynn, who also has trouble with nightmares and sleeping. The nature of my nightmares caused me to believe they were a form of spiritual warfare. The last week I dreamt was in October and I only slept about ten hours out of the entire week. The nightmares were terrifying and involved struggles I no longer faced while conscious, but now I was reliving them in my sleep. They were experiences Christ had brought me from and sin He had defeated in victory. To make a long story short, the nightmares forced me to talk to others about their content, and for the first time I began sharing dark places from my past, and bringing my experiences into the light. This began a spiritual awakening in my life and the lives of many I began sharing my story with. As I opened up, the nightmares ended. But so did the dreams I enjoyed.

Until this morning. And when I woke up, I could remember not only one dream, but three. I thanked God and praised Him for giving me this gift out of my time with Him this morning. Yes, I woke up miserable at first. But the Lord wanted me to call on Him and seek Him to give me the life and energy I needed. This past week I have been looking to myself and medicine to make me strong, more than I have been looking to Christ. When I looked to the Source of Life, He blessed me with rest and peace through my dream-filled slumber.

Where are you trying to find life? Are you going to the Source? Or are you looking elsewhere?